The secret to forever

Some say distance makes the heart grow fonder, well whoever said that was wishful thinking while they were waiting to get that text back…

My dream in life is to find, that everlasting love. The one that doesn’t end or cause your heart to shatter into pieces. I been dating people since I was 14! I won’t make this exclusive to romantic love… I will throw friendships in as well, because when you think about it a best friend is a lot like a romantic relationship minus the sex.

So I dated and befriended all sorts of people!!!! Each has been an experience and I know this sounds crazy but I feel like I had a better grip on what to do in the beginning of this journey than where I am now.

 The reason being when you are at the start , life hasn’t made you jaded yet, the idea of love is just this wonderful ball of positivity and awe. Nothing can possibly go wrong, and without fear it’s really easy to keep your thoughts and emotions in check.

You can separate reality, dreams and bias; see a situation for what it is. As people become more jaded sometimes they all mix together and well its no bueno (not good). Then fight or flight kicks in and so far everyone that I encountered flies. I flew away sometimes too. Because when you been hurt so much, you never want to be hurt like that again. 

Why try? when there’s seven billion people in the world to start over with. The thing is though, if you always find yourself in the same predicament. Maybe the problem isn’t the other person… maybe it’s you or maybe it’s them too. 

The difference between a successful and a toxic relationship, is the amount of belief and work that is put in by both parties.

There is NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP,  that doesn’t fucking exist. As long as you are dating a HUMAN sorry that’s never going to fucking happen.

If your relationship is effortless, then you should be scared, cause your significant other is probably hiding a shit load of things from you, or you’re refusing to see reality for what it is.

A relationship is work, compromise, arguments, love, resilience, belief, trust, etc.

A ship goes up and down with the waves, so does a relationSHIP. 

A little distance makes the heart grow fonder. 

However too much distance makes the heart stop beating all together. My parents been married for over 30 years, other couples that I known that been together over  20 years always tell me the same thing, when I ask if they ever broke up or took a break. 

They tell me NEVER. 

That’s why they are still together. Because the ugly truth about life is, as much as we crave, desire, need and thirst for love… and company.

Once you get to know your partner, you realize life is easier alone. Because once you’re in it, your life isn’t your own anymore. If you love control you find it way harder to control life when you are sharing it with another. So if you walk away more than a few steps, you may never look back again.

Humans we are selfish by nature, and in our selfishness we’ll leave it all behind. 

However if you do not allow yourself room for selfishness, and although you’re itching to run away you choose to stay every time, just like going to the gym it gets easier. Until it’s no longer a choice anymore it’s just routine what you do. You’ll be with the same person forever and if they believe in fighting instead of running away they will stay with you too.

That’s the secret to forever.

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