its that time of the year, where things slow down and fatigue takes over my body and soul. I spend my days in bed unmotivated, uninspired and unwilling. Seasonal depression is here.
The chill embraces me, at this moment i am not bare but i can feel it all over my skin.
In a desperate search for warmth, my mind takes me to another place, and I find myself reflecting in a past where i had no control.
So here we are again. What would happen if i stayed? Where I was born under the sun?
Most of the times I am grateful… for being here in the frost a place where everything seems possible, except “love”. Under the sun nothing seemed possible, but love.
Im certain if i never left, i would probably be married expecting a child with an irreplaceable group of loyal friends.
Here, i am wearing cashmere, contemplating whether i go to Morocco or Iceland on my birthday and getting a place with my only friend while putting this on my notes in my iPhone, later sending it to my Macbook Air.
Back home it would ridiculous to even think of owning a Macbook, let alone an iphone. Things that any member of the working class can own regardless of the job if they choose to invest their money in such a way. Vanity.
In the cold vanity, comfort its affordable. Love however it’s luck.
We seem to be too in-love with ourselves to love others here… A never ending competition, silent wars with our technology, the only way of self expression. Like for a like? A view? An instant reply? is how we show our expression here.
Back home though, love is everywhere in a greeting from a stranger, in the glance of a lover, the hug from a family member, a welcoming smile from a friend. Constantly and all the time.
There isn’t any emoji for that, the hearts, the roses, the kisses, all happens in person…. Intentions are crystal and clear.
Now in the cold i’m lying here in my bed, trying to figure out a person’s motives and mood from every text, every belated reply…. from every emoji and emojiless message? Is there a laughter behind that “lol”…
However i am the same… I’ve become a product of my cold environment. We’ll have to go through hell and back then one time again before you even here the word “love” from me.
If i was at home tho, it would be something i would share freely.