I’m staring, but i don’t really know where…. At this moment my mind is blank. Yet at the same time is filled with words. But these words must be made of a language I cannot speak, because my mouth opens nothing comes out and I, I continue to stare.
If you asked me who I was over a year ago, I could tell you without even thinking twice. I wasn’t a writer, I was just a simple girl working as a high end sales associate during the day and partying at the most expensive bars at night. Buying new clothes everyday not even hesitating about the price. My biggest struggle back then was struggling to pass all my classes just so I could stay in school. My life was a social one.
My mindset a vain one. I could not walk past a mirror without staring what felt like hours at my reflection I was addicted to my image and my new clothes. Wherever I went I had to be the best dressed, wore heels everyday.
Today I go a whole day without looking at myself, I dress in black most days. The only time I greet my reflection is in the morning. My mindset no longer is vanity but something around the lines of insanity.
As i lose myself staring at nothingness i develop this sick obsession with changing the world. My personal affairs no longer concern me, i’m so unbothered i would hand over my latest affection to a friend if she just says please.
It’s messed up, i know. Love & Romance isn’t really something I am capable of anymore. The only love i can give is a Friend/Family love. Nothing more, however i wish it could be different and i could feel such things again. It’s not the case however, so i accept this fate and dive in my obsession of making this place better.
But at a snap of a finger a wave of hand, i’m awake…. No longer staring or caught in this blank space.