My Sick Pleasure

i like his touch, because that is the kind of touch i’m used to…

The one that hurts just a little, but doesn’t kill. The aggression  feels like home. Feels like “love” the only love i know.. is the one that hits you all at once, like a swarming body of water you drown in it a little bit.

Something about that moment you are gasping for air makes it so real, makes you appreciate life a little more, when you lose your breath.

It’s a sick pleasure, but i am addicted to the pain, physical, emotional and mental. A moth that keeps getting burned. I love being happy and on top. Once again happiness makes me scared, because when it leaves i don’t know when it will be back… sometimes it feels like forever.

Pain however, is always there reminding me that it’s never going to leave. It’s a fucked up sense of stability, but no matter how my life changes it will always be there.

I think Pain is misunderstood frequently kind of like myself. Everyone thinks there is something wrong with pain, because it causes hurt and discomfort. Without pain how ever, you would be numb, oblivious to reality.

Hasn’t anyone told you the truth is ugly. It’s because the truth goes hand in hand with Pain. But like pain the truth is what keeps you awake and alive.

Although, I don’t recommend my sick addiction to it, however pain in certain quantities is healthy and necessary for survival.

However i become to used to it’s company and sometimes it kills me…


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