Today I had a shit day…. Not gonna lie…. Didn’t sleep well, didn’t get anything done. Just moped around and felt sorry for myself like I am now.
I blame myself, technology, my impulsive nature and me listening to the right people at the wrong times. I wasn’t even supposed to go to school today and some how I ended up laying on the ground screaming at the world when this whole ordeal was over.
This all could’ve been avoided. If I didn’t listen to my friend and waited for a reply before making that phone call. It all could’ve been avoided if I trusted my friends more, and didn’t still feel guilty over past acts of unintentional betrayal I made towards my girls fearing someday karma would get me back.
I suppose today it did, as my insecurities took over, I jumped the gun and shot myself in the foot, then shortly after had my body dragged in mud as my allies interfered on my self deprecation and some how made it worse with the best intentions while being ill informed of the situation.
As I rushed to the school to see if somehow I could salvage in person and properly express myself allowing the person in question to see my emotions instead of the ones in his imagination, look into my eyes see a little bit of fluster, despair however no malice or anger. Then just maybe, the situation would be quickly resolved.
By the time I got there however, I had no such chance as my allies targeted him as a danger to me with the little information given to them as I rushed in my moments of anxiety. The person in question, no longer wanted to listen to me… reconsider what might’ve been a miscommunication and made up his mind that I am no friend of his.
He walked away, and I was left screaming in frustration since I all at once was ripped of all forms of communication, no longer able to express myself to him. I more than understood his frustrations I empathized nor did I blame him for walking away from with such haste.
This was not the first time my plagued image, brings trouble to his image. Although just yesterday I promised no more outside interference, which I honestly believed would not happen almost certain in fact, since I haven’t uttered a word of our private matters…. ever since I made that promise.
Still some how my kitchen got set on fire as my friends tried to throw me a feast, by confronting him on my behalf due to my altered state. Little did they realize, their interference is what set fire to this. Since all of our mistrust and disagreements between us are due to external factors.
However i’m not angry, because today was just a series of bad timing, overreactions and impulsiveness, all happening at the worst times, and ultimately resulting in a more than potential loss of what I consider a good friend and a crush.
Ultimately… Shit happens and now I have to figure out how to remodel this kitchen if even possible…